Catalina Gardescu: Can you tell us a bit about yourselves?Matthew Dahlman: I'm Matt Dahlman. I'm one of the Primary School Counselors at CIS. This is my third school year at CIS. Before moving to Denmark I was living in the United States where my previous school was a public school in Northern California. Prior to that, I was getting my master's degree in school counseling and working in the juvenile justice school system in Southern California. And previous to that, I worked in a psychiatric facility for kids ages 3 to 18.
I just think kids are really cool. I love supporting mental health and I think kids are amazing. So school is the place that I think I can do those things to the best of my ability, and have the biggest impact. So that's why I'm here.
Catalina Gardescu: Thank you. Jodi, you've just arrived at CIS.Jodi Chee: This is my first year at CIS and prior to this I was at international schools in Thailand and Cambodia. In my final five years of my time in Cambodia, I set up a counseling support and resource center in Phnom Penh. I am also a product of international schools and believe very strongly that our students who are growing up in the cross-cultural context are our future leaders. Their experience in such contexts, their ability to adapt, to empathize and understand other people's perspectives should make them the leaders that the current world needs to thrive.
Catalina Gardescu: I was extremely excited when I heard last year that the school is bringing in another counselor because in our quest to educate champions of a just and sustainable world, there is no better place to start than in early years and in primary. And talking about that, how do you split your work at the school? Matthew Dahlman: We share responsibilities and have split up our case load based on alternating years of Primary school so that we can follow our students as they age. This way, any student that needs somebody or wants to speak to either one of us, they're able to. This enables us to have a stronger connection with our students as they age and also to be able to work with grade level teams a little bit more closely so we can be a little more targeted with our support and neither miss out on students needing support nor duplicate our efforts.
Catalina Gardescu: One thing I hear often is that especially for young children just that little gesture of saying good morning and using their name makes them feel seen and valued. What do you think about the value of that in your jobs?Matthew Dahlman: This is something I'm really passionate about. I think that's one of the most important parts of our jobs. Especially as counselors in Primary School, it is important that we're visible and that we're known because it demystifies seeing a counselor and it makes us much more approachable. These seemingly simple gestures help kids feel like they always have someone to go to.
Jodi Chee: Saying good morning and using a student's name are not simple things: in essence what we're doing is we're seeing them and I think, the way our world is progressing, we really need to hold the foundation of seeing one another. And so I know one thing both Matt and I do is, as we walk down the halls and we see a student and notice in their face or their body language that something is not quite right we stop and simply ask "Hey, everything okay?"
And the child might look up and because they've been seen, they kind of shake the burden off and they can move on. Or because they've been seen, they feel like they can share and then move on. Or because they've been seen, they can share and then they know that there's an adult who's going to help them fix this problem or help something be better. And I think one of the most important things that we have to embody in the school environment is a sense of presence. Being present in that moment, seeing others, not giving in to that tyranny of the urgent or the tyranny of the checklist or whatever it is. I think us modeling that and calling others to also remember that is important in order to be a community where we see and care for one another and we check in on one another. Whether it's that circle time in the morning or the check-in after break time, just the different times throughout the day that are really important to make sure that we all in the classroom, we aim to slow down and model this kind of behavior.
Catalina Gardescu: I heard you speak so passionately about seeing each other and seeing the students and I imagine that if you are to notice that the child has a different kind of demeanor or something that means there's great knowledge about the children in your care. Let me ask you Matt, how do you get to know your kids because I think I can call them that. How do you get to know them?Matthew Dahlman: We want to get to know them and I'm really interested in people in general and curious about what they're interested in, especially kids. They have all these really cool complex interests and ideas and personalities. Part of that is being at the front door every day, right? We either say hi to the kids at the door and Jodi is often in the cafeteria welcoming kids there. That's part of having downtime with them and offering them a space that's not so rigorous or academic focused where you just get to be with them. You just get to see what they want to do or what they want to talk
Jodi Chee: I think also where our offices are positioned is very helpful because a lot of times the kids are just kind of coming by. So, it is a natural thing to see us. If our doors are open, they feel comfortable to just pop in and we get to have these little micro moments of connection or observation. That can be really helpful. I think one of the best things is exactly what Matt said, when students see us there and they see us interested, they want to talk and they want to share.
Also, if you ask a question about something you think they're interested in or you see them doing something, they want to share and a conversation automatically opens up. Teaching comes with many challenges, and educators today face a lot of pressure to cover important material. With so much to balance, it’s understandable that the to-do list can feel overwhelming at times. In the midst of it all, those meaningful moments of connection with students can sometimes get squeezed or feel like just another task. As a former teacher of five years, I deeply valued social-emotional learning and building a strong classroom community, but I also recognize how easy it can be to shift focus to curriculum demands. It’s a tough job, and teachers do so much to support their students every day.
Catalina Gardescu: I think your positions are absolutely crucial for the students and I wanted to ask what are some ways in which you work with the kids to support them in class? Matthew Dahlman: A lot of this is tailored to the needs of the grade, but also on what stage of life these kids are in, So, in fifth grade, we talk to kids about healthy relationships and conflict resolution and being able to know their identity and feel good about who they are. In younger grades, we work a lot on emotion identification and emotional regulation, also conflict resolution and how to build connections.
If we think about what any child needs and cares about the most, especially kids in Primary School, that is a secure connection and attachment. That's why they know when you're not really trying to connect with them because that's what they care about the most, right?
The part I care about the most is that I connect with them, respect them, and give them their dignity and they can feel when you do that. And a big part of it comes from listening to them, And listening to understand, not just listen to show that you're allowing a student to share something in the middle of a lesson or whatever it would be, right? So those are the things that we might talk about in classes, right?
Catalina Gardescu: Jodi, how do you feel the partnership with parents is going at CIS?Jodi Chee: I think partnering with parents is really about sharing knowledge and creating a space where they feel supported. A lot of parents today want to raise their kids differently than they were raised, but they don’t always know how to do that in a way that still keeps them in the role of the parent, not just a friend. Our job as educators is to help bridge that gap by sharing what we know about child development, nervous system regulation, and emotional skills.
I also think it’s important that we, as professionals, are willing to be open and vulnerable with parents. Sometimes, it’s hard to let them in because we feel like we have to be the experts all the time, but real partnership comes from connection. That’s why things like our monthly parent workshops are so valuable. They give parents a chance to talk through challenges, learn strategies, and actually practice new skills in a low-stakes setting.
At the end of the day, parenting is a huge responsibility, and no one is going to get it perfect. What really matters is that parents are doing their best and that their kids feel loved and secure. And if there are things they want to do differently, we’re here to support them through that process.
Matthew Dahlman: I think it's crucial for parents to reinforce and model the same skills we teach students. The more cohesion between home and school, the better it is for kids. It’s one thing for students to learn these skills, but when parents also practice and support them at home, it makes an even greater impact.
If we can help this generation move further away from control-based or threatening approaches and instead normalize peaceful communication and true partnership, imagine the long-term effect on our world. The more we model and reinforce these values, the greater the positive change for future generations.
Catalina Gardescu: What are some of the challenges that you feel in your work?Matthew Dahlman: One of the biggest challenges in our work is the pressure on educators to prioritize academic subjects over social-emotional learning (SEL) and soft skills. Teachers often feel like they have a checklist of things to cover—math, science, AI, robotics—because those subjects are seen as concrete and measurable. Schools and organizations tend to invest time and money into what they value most, and SEL can sometimes take a backseat.
Another challenge, especially in private schools, is meeting parent expectations. Many parents focus on getting their child into top universities, but we have to help them see the bigger picture—how well their child will actually thrive once they’re there. The most prestigious universities often have the highest levels of student stress, self-harm, and burnout. So, our goal is not just college acceptance but long-term success, resilience, and well-being.
There’s also a misconception that SEL and restorative practices let students avoid responsibility. In reality, we’re teaching them to be competent, brave, and resilient. We want students to feel secure in themselves, to know they belong, and to be able to take risks without fear of falling apart when things don’t go as planned.
Jodi Chee: A challenge for us, and I am speaking as a parent, is the sense of ownership we feel over our children, but it’s really about responsibility to them, not ownership. We have a responsibility to be the best parents, but part of that is allowing our children to be who they are and discovering themselves. From the moment of pregnancy, we carry dreams and expectations for our child, and often those dreams don’t fully align with who they become. As parents, we’re constantly grieving the loss of those imagined futures and learning to hold our children with open hands, which is really hard work.
Catalina Gardescu: How do you handle all of this in a community of over 80 nationalities?Matthew Dahlman: To handle working in a community of 80 nationalities, I think the first important step is to acknowledge my own position, especially as a white, straight, cis man. I need to recognize that my experiences and the power I hold in various situations are not the same as others’. This requires a lot of reflection and continuous practice. It’s crucial not to impose my own values or culture on others, but instead to let others lead with their own cultural perspectives. As educators, we often feel we know what’s best, but it's important to build community, partner with others, and lead with research and evidence, not personal experience.
It is important to acknowledge that not every culture is being fully represented in our school, especially in a place where many staff members share a similar Western perspective. As a community, we need to reflect on this and be open to not having all the answers.
Jodi Chee: Ultimately, I believe that listening to understand is key. We need to be curious and listen carefully to the values behind people’s concerns, helping them see how those values can align with the goals of our programs. Whether it's working with parents or teachers, it’s about focusing on long-term goals and finding common ground.
Catalina Gardescu: You mentioned the GSA. What is it and what does it do?Matthew Dahlman: The GSA is the Gender and Sexualities Alliance open to students in grade 3 to 5. It is an optional student-led safe space for students in the LGBTQ plus community or allies and students that want to maybe learn more or just want to be supportive. No one has to go there and everything we do there is led by the students. They decide what kind of projects or ideas they want to do and we are just there to support them.
Catalina Gardescu: That sounds amazing. How about YANA?Matthew Dahlman: The YANA (You Are Not Alone) Club was started by students and is for grades 3, 4, and 5. Initially, it focused on projects and activities, but over time it has transformed into more of a safe space during indoor recess. It provides a place for students who might not be comfortable with social settings or those who simply prefer not to go outside. It's a quieter, more contained space where students can engage in activities, interact with peers, and have adult support to ensure they are seen and included.
There are two main rules: be kind to everyone and include others who want to join, with an emphasis on tidying up before leaving. The club is busy, often with 30-35 kids, but it runs smoothly without much intervention. The atmosphere is different from the chaotic playground; it feels purposeful, and kids who are neurodiverse, in particular, find it to be a welcoming and consistent environment. The focus is on creating a space where kids feel safe, valued, and connected, and it’s encouraging to see them supporting each other. It’s a great example of peer connection and inclusivity in action.
Catalina Gardescu: If there is only one thing that you would say okay I don't want to end this school year without having done this one thing, what would that be?Jodi Chee: One thing I really want to make sure we do this year is gather more student voice and create opportunities for students to share their experiences. Matt and I have discussed inviting small groups of students to safely express how they’re feeling and to check in on their experiences. We’ve already used a structured questionnaire twice this year to get a sense of how they’re doing—one at the start of the year and another to compare progress as we move further along.
What I hope to focus on is gaining more anecdotal insights from students about their school experiences. I want to hear directly from them about what school feels like, what’s working well, and where we can improve. We also want to gather their ideas for enhancing our sense of inclusion and what we could do differently. This feedback will help us reflect on what’s been positive, whether here or from their previous schools, and find ways to make the school environment even better for all students.
Matthew Dahlman: The first thing that comes to mind is ensuring that every student feels cared for and valued for who they are. I want every student to feel that they are interesting and that they matter. One idea I’ve been considering is implementing narrative therapy, which I find really impactful. It’s been my dream to introduce this approach with a grade level, and I’m thinking this year I might try it with fifth grade. While it’s a manageable starting point, the goal is to help students better understand themselves and feel more confident in their unique stories.
Jodi Chee: I was just going to say one more thing Matt and I often refer to when we're speaking about, the school and with parents, especially if we ever get a sense of I don't know, ownership or insecurity. All the research on kids really needing safe adults outside of home and that safe, interested adults bring so much richness to a child's life. And the more we can foster that, the better.
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